dates
friday night i met wondertwin, davis mcdavis, and hot tub ted for my birthday dinner at dinosaur bbq. we ate A LOT of food. it was yummy.
during dinner davis mcdavis made some comment to wondertwin about his dating habits – or rather about what constitutes a date. the conversation went something like this:
davis mcdavis “you can’t say you’re going on a date with a boy when all you are going to do is have sex.”
wondertwin “yes i can if we had planned on going out.”
davis mcdavis “no – you can’t sleep with the guy until the 3rd date. if you do that before then they don’t count as dates.”
wondertwin “yes they do.”
though i do not fully agree with davis mcdavis on all his points on what makes a date a date – i do agree that if all one does is have sex then it is not a date. because wondertwin always says you can’t hang out with your sex friend because that would be dating.
i love dates. when i was in college i would make all sorts of dates for my various friends. they would of course be platonic dates (because i didn’t have any boys to ask on these dates) – but fun nonetheless.
nowadays i ask boys on dates – and it wouldn’t be bad if they were less platonic than my college ones, and sometimes they are not but i just think that the whole idea of a date is lovely. (you may be wondering what i think is the difference between a date and just spending some time with someone –it’s the possibility of a little romantic interlude.) so whenever i want to go out with a boy – i am very clear and say “do you want to go on a date with me?” that way there can be no misunderstanding.
it was when davis mcdavis said “if you have sex before the 3rd date then it is not a date,” that kind of threw me off a little. i’ve never heard someone say it quite like that before. is he right? how does having sex (and by sex i mean any act performed with the intent to ejaculate) with a boy before the 3rd date make it any less a date?
i am not completely sold on this one ...
during dinner davis mcdavis made some comment to wondertwin about his dating habits – or rather about what constitutes a date. the conversation went something like this:
davis mcdavis “you can’t say you’re going on a date with a boy when all you are going to do is have sex.”
wondertwin “yes i can if we had planned on going out.”
davis mcdavis “no – you can’t sleep with the guy until the 3rd date. if you do that before then they don’t count as dates.”
wondertwin “yes they do.”
though i do not fully agree with davis mcdavis on all his points on what makes a date a date – i do agree that if all one does is have sex then it is not a date. because wondertwin always says you can’t hang out with your sex friend because that would be dating.
i love dates. when i was in college i would make all sorts of dates for my various friends. they would of course be platonic dates (because i didn’t have any boys to ask on these dates) – but fun nonetheless.
nowadays i ask boys on dates – and it wouldn’t be bad if they were less platonic than my college ones, and sometimes they are not but i just think that the whole idea of a date is lovely. (you may be wondering what i think is the difference between a date and just spending some time with someone –it’s the possibility of a little romantic interlude.) so whenever i want to go out with a boy – i am very clear and say “do you want to go on a date with me?” that way there can be no misunderstanding.
it was when davis mcdavis said “if you have sex before the 3rd date then it is not a date,” that kind of threw me off a little. i’ve never heard someone say it quite like that before. is he right? how does having sex (and by sex i mean any act performed with the intent to ejaculate) with a boy before the 3rd date make it any less a date?
i am not completely sold on this one ...
posted by clovis at 10:44 AM
3 Comments:
Wait - I think must have said that wrong - I had two points:
1) You should wait until the third date to have sex.
2) If you are meeting a guy for dinner, and you meet at his apartment, have sex, and never go out to dinner, the "date" is automatically converted to "not-a-date," despite your earlier intentions to have dinner.
“if you have sex before the 3rd date then it is not a date” - what I meant is that if all you do on the "date" is have sex, without preceding it with a visit to a museum or a movie [and watching 30 minutes of TV before taking your clothes off is not the same as attending the Whitney Bienniel together], then the "date" you've had is really just a sex date and a person is deluding himself if he thinks it was a real date.
Okay, so what I meant to say is this:
1)You should wait until the 3rd date to have sex.
and separately
2) If you have a date with a guy to go out to dinner, but you meet at your or his apartment prior to going out to dinner, and then have sex, and don't go out to dinner, it really wasn't a date after all. It retroactively becomes not-a-date.
3) If all you've done with a guy is sleep with him three times in a row, that's not really dating, even if a couple of the times you pretended you were going to have dinner (that you didn't have) before the sex (that you did have).
Mainly, if you haven't done anything in public other than meeting at a bar before sex, you're not dating. A date is dinner, a movie, a museum, a play, something like that where you need to interact with the guy in the way you'll be interacting with him if you were actually in a committed relationship together: in a completely nonsexual, totally celibate manner.
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